How To Become A Doctor And Save 7 To 10 Years On Medical School
Just Follow The A To Z Of Sickness For Doctors.
1. Got A Cold Or Flue – First take blood or take a throat swab to make it look you know what you are doing and pretend you give a fuck what it is. Then tell them you are sending it for tests and give a general antibiotic. If they are still alive after a week and still have the flue work through the alphabet on all the antibiotics you have till one of them kills or cures them. Most likely the first one.
2. Depression or Anxiety – This is a good one give them an anti depressant to depress them and make them suicidal then if they are still alive and come back with side effects prescribe another 20 or 30 boxes of pills one for each side effect this should help you hit your big Pharma Bonus and get a free conference ticket to bermuda or a hefty commission when done regularly.
3. Excema – A nice big pharma cream to make them more itchy until they start ripping their skin off then give them a tetanus injection in case the infected skin causes gangrene. If it hits the gangrene stage then chop that part of their body off and sell them a false arm or leg if possible.
4. Broken or cracked bone or backpain radiate the crap out of them do 20 xrays weekly then 2 years later when they get cancer you can prescribe them chemo and get a big bonus for bringing in 100,000 Dollar cancer bounty. Time to book another another plane trip for you and the wife/husband ..
5. Headache – Paracetemol every time kill the pain even if your brain is dying or blood clotting in your head gotta hit pain where it hurts and fuck up their kidneys at the same time. Who knows if your lucky after a few years you can get them on dialysis after all the paracetamol poisoning not sure what bonus plan they have for that.
6. Worried about cancer get a regular Mamogram blast your breasts with radiation once a year, then when you get cancer say how lucky you where to have found it in time and saved another life.
7. Think they might have cancer? Schedule a biopsy so you can open the cancer by bursting the tumour that their body created to protect them, and let all those cancer cells spread all around your body before radiating the shit out of them if in doubt Chemo it..
8. Whatever you do never tell them about any alternative treatments that actually kill or cure cancer as that is illegal make sure you radiate and do chemo on them cause that is good for big pharma profits..
Though this may be my view on doctors it is not medical advise lol..